Friday, January 14, 2011

Memoirs of a free slave- Uno

I am a free citizen of India. But I often feel enslaved. Enslaved in the sexual sense. This happens everyday, on weekdays and sometimes on weekends. Often from eight in the morning to seven in the evening. I try to console myself and I often have conversations with my inner Pappu. Excerpts from a conversation we had last night.

Inner Pappu: Stop touching yourself and get a life, loser.

Me: Fuck off! It is not easy to get sex always! You try getting laid each night. And anyway, I DO have a life.

Inner Pappu: (guffaws heartily) You have a life? YOU? You are nothing but a lowlife slave who pawns his ass everyday for a pittance.

Me: That is not slavery. It is called a job. And anyway, I earn more money than my parents ever earned in their time, mind you.

Inner Pappu: Do something. Take all that money, roll it up and shove it up where the sun don't shine!

Me: But why? Why oh why?

Inner Pappu: Because you sell yourself for peanuts, that's why! Your money is not exactly helping you get laid and here you are, pleasuring yourself when you could have been out having fun.

Me: Oh please, I don't do that. I abhor sex for money! I am ethical and I have mora...

Inner Pappu: You dipshit! What was that you did in Thailand during your on-site trip then?

Me: That was a spiritual massage. And anyway, if I go out having fun, who goes to office tomorrow? Tera baap?

Inner Pappu: Your spirit seems to be between your legs then, asshole. And you don't seem to be getting any kind of nirvana at that spot of late.

Me: You are right, I do feel spiritually disconnected nowadays. That is why I am trying self-therapy.

Inner Pappu. Losers like you can only do that! I know you have something for Neena in the cubicle next to yours, I do.

Me: Thanks for reminding me of  her. Ooooh Neeenaaaah!

Inner Pappu: You piece of shit! Stop touching yourself this instant. Think of the bitch, she knows you have something for Neena too!

Me: (losing concentration) Crap! why did you have to remind me of my bitch of a boss! I was thinking of Neena. Now I see only Raji's bloated self calling me for a meeting whenever I try to talk to Neena.

Inner Pappu: You should be a little discreet. She is bound to call you for meetings and more if you keep staring at Neena like a malnourished African child stares at food. You know she is trying to shift you to another division.

Me: Yes. I do get that feeling. That bald husband of hers isn't treating her well these days, it seems. She is sexually frustrated, that's why she keeps calling me at odd times.

Inner Pappu: Methinks she likes BDSM. She must be a dominatrix, she likes control.

Me: That husband of hers looks like a slave type anyway.

Inner Pappu: You do too you slave! 'Raji, when would you like this done? Oh yes Raji, of course it will be done by tomorrow. Absolutely, I will finish it by Saturday. Sorry Raji,....'

Me: Shut up you idiot. I don't do that.

Inner Pappu: Yes you do. You are a slave. That cow Raji is your mistress and she loooooves whipping your ass on a daily basis.

Me: (trying hard to concentrate) Shut up! Shut up! OOOohhhhh Neeenaaaah!

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