Prophetess of Doom

I find it hard to believe how she is still alive. Arundhati Roy I mean. A normal human being does not live off the feeling of negativity as much as she does. If I were so pessimistic, I would shrivel and wither away in a few months, but she seems to thrive on it. Give her a glass half-full and ask her opinions about it and rest assured that she won't say whether the glass is half full or half empty. Take my word for it, she will start from that glass of water, go on about water pollution, jump to the pitfalls of a democratic government, leapfrog to tyrannical regimes all around the world and then in an extreme move of all-encompassing pessimism, she will finish by predicting the doom of India.

I don't know if it is coincidence or not. But she garners publicity by writing exactly the opposite of popular opinion. When the Maoist terrorism surged, she supported the Maoists and called them Gandhians. When the Kashmiris protested, she waxed eloquent about how Kashmir was not an 'integral part' of India.

I don't know how many of us have read her booker prize winning novel (which was a good story. Pessimistic, but who doesn't love a tragedy?) But she must be famous in Kashmir and probably the Maoists are her fans too, now.

In her latest attempt at feeding off negativity, the author has written this article about Anna Hazare. The woman strikes on time and with precision. Now we shall witness how the people of India adorn her with epithets (bitch, kutti!!).

But you know what, she has raised relevant questions. I mean, we already do have agencies for the control of corruption. I am sure that the lokpal will create some fear among the hearts of our corrupt netas but what is the guarantee that it won't become another lame institution.

Imagine the complaints the lokpal will get. From the biggest neta to the common chaprasi, all are corrupt. The lokpal will be inundated with the sheer amount of complaints! I sure wouldn't want to be working with the lokpal because it will be hell. Forget the neta and the chaprasi. Let's look at ourselves. Have we never given a bribe? Have we never been involved in corruption ourselves? If you say no to those questions, then you cannot be Indian. Moreover, what is the guarantee that the people who are part of the lokpal won't be corrupt?

We must ask ourselves: will we not give a bribe and 'handle the situation' the next time we get caught jumping the traffic signal? Will we fight with the policeman or ring up the lokpal? Of course we won't! . Because we are Indians and giving chai-paani to the policeman is easier than dealing with anti-corruption bureaucracy!

P.S: Arundhati looked quite sexy when she was young (in pic). I wouldn't have minded having sex with her. But then, I wouldn't want her to open her mouth to speak either. It would be silent sex. She would kill any feeling of sexual arousal if she was allowed to open her mouth and speak!

Community sex 4 u

Recently saw an ad on the telly for community matrimony dot com. The name is self explanatory, it is a matrimonial site for people to look for partners and prospective spouses for their kids from their own caste.

I often wonder, why did Indians create so many communities among themselves? I mean, how different is one Indian from another? OK, OK so the North Indians are a bit fairer than the South Indians and as usual, I am ignoring the North-East who don't look Indians anyway. We have the same attitudes towards life, similar garlic-onion-chilly-spices laden food and the ability to breed like rabbits!

Our leaders and reformers worked tirelessly to uplift the lower castes and rid the country of the caste system. But we all know the truth. I mean, all you need to do is to open the matrimonial column of the newspapers and the caste system is on display in all its naked glory.

Maybe the solution to all of this is sex. Inter-caste sex. We may not be able to marry with a different community, but at least we can have a lot of sex amongst ourselves. I mean, we all have similar equipment between our legs, thank God. It's not that a Brahmin has  forward privates and the Shudra has backward ones.

So I think the solution would be to have sex with a person of a different community. Sex is about touching each other, feeling each other, smelling each other and tasting each other. When we do that with a person of another community, we will learn that the feel of the body of a Sharma is not so different from that of an Agarwal which is not so different from that of a Mahajan which is not so different from that of a Meena and so on and so forth. And when we realize through the joy of sex that we are not so different, we will be able to alleviate the pain of the wretched caste system to some extent. I think all the youth of India should engage in such activities of inter caste harmony to rid the country of the social evil.

But I shudder to think what would happen if the caste system spreads its tentacles into the sex lives of people. Imagine what porn websites could turn into : Communitysex4u.com, desibrahminparadise.com, agarwalsluts.com, chaturvedipussy.com, gaymeena.com, adidravidarcumpots.com.

Sigh, I think we are better off with communitymatrimony.com after all!!

Boom! we cry. Bang! we forget. Bladaboom! we move on...

In the recent mess of scams that the UPA government is facing, the latest blasts at Mumbai have been forgotten. As usual there was the hue and cry at the beginning, and now we don't give two hoots to who committed the crime. I mean, at least let's have someone to blame!

Last time, we had the Pakis to blame, this time the perpetrators of the crime are yet a mystery. They kill more than a score of our people, and we don't give two hoots.

It's just that we are so unconcerned. Nobody's bothered anymore. People want to do their business, earn money, have sex, produce kids and move on. Nobody is bothered about a bomb blast in the financial capital of the country as long as one's own requirements of roti, kapda, makaan and sex are met. Quite pathetic really, and the most pathetic thing is, probably nobody will read this rant on this blog either. Sad.